Get Naked: My Theory of Clothing Here

Don´t you hate pants? --Homer Simpson

Answer: Yes, I do hate pants.

In fact, truth be told, I´m really not that fond of any clothing. Sure, I concede that in civilization it is a necessity since otherwise many people would feel uncomfortable and no one would get anything done. But, really, when you live in a place that´s 95 degrees every day and 70 degrees every night, too much clothing feels like a burden.

So I´ve worked up a general theory of clothing in tropical areas. It´s simple: The fewer articles of clothing I wear, the happier I am. This probably isn´t a post that will please the puritans out there, but my logic is undeniable. Just take a look at the type of activities I do when compared with the number of articles of clothing. While I should never be taken too seriously, this is a rough model for utilizing appropriate technology in tropical areas. Whenever you are confused I suggest consulting the following list:

Zero: The ideal state. Activities: Sleeping (fan on my body, wrapped up in a sheet), sex (obviously), showering (given this heat, the shower is a refuge and a blessing), swimming (naked in the ocean).

One: This generally takes the form of mesh shorts only, no shirt or underwear. Activities: Lying in my hammock studying, chatting with friends in my balcony, swimming in the ocean, running barefoot on the beach.

Two: Shorts and t-shirt. Activity: Riding my bicycle to the fritanga to pick up dinner and a fresco. NOTE: Long pants simply do not make sense in this climate. The only time to wear them is when going into air conditioned spaces like the movie theatre and the dance clubs.

Three: Shorts, underwear, t-shirt. My default setting for participating in society. Activities: Teaching English classes, going to the market, going out to bars and clubs with my friends, etc.

INTERRUPTION FROM MY FRIEND HANNAH:
Q: Wait, what about shoes?
A: Good question, Hannah. Shoes are very important. After all, there may be broken glass on the ground. And as enjoyable as it may be, if you walk without shoes in certain areas you may get parasitic worms. That´s no joke. Naturally, sandals are preferable to shoes at all times. Shoes that must be worn with socks should be avoided in this climate.

Four: Sometimes, however, you must wear socks. Like when you are climbing a volcano. That is probably the only time socks are acceptable.

Anything more than four: Cold climates will not be discussed on this blog!