Hayden Abroad

Dispatches from Somewhere in the World

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

On Being Back in León

When I first arrived in León on Sunday, I was thrilled to be back. This is, after all, my city, my home. It was such a good feeling to be walking along these streets and hanging out with my friends again. It seemed like I couldn´t go ten minutes without running into someone I knew, and everyone was so pleasantly surprised to see me again after so long. Of all the places I´ve visited in Central America on this trip, I like León the best.

But after a day or so, after that initial rush subsided, it began to feel strange. The truth is that what I loved was León the way I left it at the beginning of April. That was what I missed. The routine of my days and the feeling of complete comfort. Now it felt empty, like something was absent. Like I no longer belonged here. To be frank, it has been a bit of a disorienting experience.

And I missed people: I missed walking down the street with my girlfriend. I missed chatting in the Quetzal Trekker house with Nick and Jessica. I missed lounging in hammocks on my balcony with Allie and Janine. I missed watching Kolja´s face when he went all-in (again!) at poker. Although I still had Harry, Adam, and Rufus around, among many others, it seemed like times had passed me by a bit. There were new volunteers in old rooms, and though they all seem cool, what I lack is the same history and comfort with them.

And I missed my work, my daily trips to school on my bicycle. I missed being a part of my student´s lives, that they would look forward to seeing me everyday and I would look forward to seeing them. I missed hanging out with my friends Karla and Adela, chatting with David, or having class with Idania and Johania. When I went back to visit, the sensation was awkward even though it was great to see them again. Since I was no longer involved with their day-to-day lives, I felt like a ghost visiting from the past, half gone.

Overall, it still has been cool to be back, and to show Michelle my city. There have been great home-cooked dinners, lunches out at La Buen Cuchara, poker games, drinks at Via Via, live music at La Olla Quemada, frescos in the market, etc. But I also see that the magic that I felt here remains embedded in the memories of two months ago. It is something that cannot be recaptured.

And so this Sunday I will leave León again. Michelle and I will travel down to Ometepe for a week, and I´ll spend the remainder of June exploring Nicaragua on my own. I´ll return to León again at the beginning of July, just before I depart Nicaragua for good. But I won´t harbor the same illusions. Sometimes the beauty of an experience is that it is fleeting, and that forces one to therefore hold onto it tighter.

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